The River

"You cannot step twice into the same river" Heraclitus

When we need to do the same things every day it can be easy to lose sight of the freshness and renewal of each day. Starting each day afresh brings us new possibilities, new challenges, and offers the chance for optimism. we may think we know how each day is going to pan out, but when we think about it it is surprising how many times little things happen or we see something different, that we weren't expecting. If we can begin a fresh day and look out for these signs and indications of life, if we can notice everything, then suddenly our days appear different to us. Each day turns into a microcosm of adventure. How do we communicate this to others when they ask how our day is, or what has been happening? I think keep it simple. Just suggest that the days have gone well, and that you seem to be spending more time noticing things around you and are finding this interesting. Who knows where the conversation may go from there! Life is never the same anywhere along it, in the same way that there is no section of a river the same, no matter where you step in. So jump in and make your own splashes!

Fitting it all in

Life is supposed to be a grand adenture but sometimes it feels like  am just trying to fit everything in that everyone else wants to do or wants me to do. Being a woman can be like a commitment to service and this wasn't what I expected family life to feel like. So how do I go about meeting the needs of each family member and somehow meeting my own needs?

There is no easy answer to this question. Firstly, I think that the expectations presented through advertising diminish the meaning of day-to-day living. Claiming that 'we deserve it' 'me time' etc is mostly unrealisitc for most women struggling with children, partners, working, housework, and sleep. Ideas of how we should look and therefore where we fit in more time for exercise, are also another thing we hae to do. It is difficult to know just what is really important to ourselves personally, individually. 

Getting clear about what is meaningful to you youself is the first step. Do I need to work? Can we live more simply and I just work less? Can the children do less activities so that we just hang out at home more often? Can I go for a walk/run/ride just because I feel free in these moments rather than obliged to lose/maintain weight? Who am I when I am alone with myself and do I enjoy who I am? How do I keep my mind interested in life while I have to wash up/vacuum/scrub the toilet? and then do it all again? 

The answer for me is to be mindful of what I am doing and to take moments of fresh air, to look out at the sky and just breathe in and appreciate. I cannot remember to do this all the time, but when I do I feel free and alive and completely ok whereeer I am.

Express yourself

"Express what you've got, oh baby, ready or not" Madonna

In the constant hecticness of life how do you find time and space to express your inner longings and creative push? How can we trickle out our desire for beauty and immersion when there are school lunches to make and socks to hang out on the line?  I struggle with this all the time. When I manage to really immerse myself in my ideas, the family suffers and can't deal with it. My children become incredibly emotional and my husband gets tense and worried. So how to be here and there at the same time is difficult. I am learning to try and make do with 5 minutes a day. Just me and whatever  can create in this time. I carry my notebook with me, a pen and even my phone camera work just fine for creative production. It's about definition and breaking sown boundaries, about being where I am at right now. Creative energy can also flow through connecting with my daughters and spending time being with them and really noticing them and what they are doing. They are my most beautiful ideas and when I truly look at them I fell this and respond internally with a sense of "all is right" and fulfilment.

Being here

"The breath of life is in the sunlight and the hand of life is in the wind" Kahlil Gibran

It is difficult to work through problems we have without losing ourselves in the process. It is easy to get caught up in wanting to be right and wanting to be justified and wanting the other person to recognise that we too have been suffering. How do we let go of these strong feelings and demands and just be willing to listen to another's? How do we get over our own needs and longings in order to be present for someone else? Even while we judge them and want to be away from all of this? Can we just let it go?

If I just can stop and look out at the ocean or the trees and remember what is beautiful and what is real in front of me, then I can let go. If I remember to breathe and instead go for a run or some other sought of movement this can take me into myself and my body - not so much thinking and dwelling.

A cool breeze and some sunlight are beautiful reminders of being here now and dealing with what is before me right now.

Showing up

"A good heart conquers all"  proverb

Sometimes it's easy to get caught up in the anger of injustices and suffering which we see all around us. Especially when it comes to children we have seen growing up since they were babies. When you see all of their potential and beauty then over time they become consumed by the circumstances surrounding them on a daily basis, and their behaviour starts to reflect the disfunctional behaviour of the outside world. I have found this incredibly painful to watch as these children move from being free, to being survivors and so incredibly defended. But in the past couple of weeks I have come to realise that it is important not to lose track of who they are for their sakes as well as our own. To help them to reconnect with their inner world, I need to just be present with them and reflective of the qualities which will hold them in good steed theoughout their lives.

Carrying silent anger only adds to the problems and doesn't help anyone least of all ourselves.

The View

I see all and yet most of the time I feel blind

The Wonder of Community

"Wisdom begins in wonder" Sophlocles

What makes a community grow? I think there are many ingredients such as commitment to sharing and compassion for our neighbours. Also inclusiveness in terms of looking beneath our exteriors, noticing when somebody or families are left out. Being real and setting up ways in which everyone can come together and have fun but also come together and talk about the deep stuff, the things which concern us from time to time. It is these concerns whcih get overlooked and grow into something bigger than what is really there that affect us the most at any level.

We need to be brave and speak out when we see injustices but we also need to be aware of being incensitive and negative towards our friends in order to justify our own feelings of overwhelm or inadequacy around difficult topics and situations. Most of all, we need to keep the door open, both figuritively and realistically. Have many entry points so that people can come and go and return in ways which make it easy for them when they are ready and need to. We can't always get it right in our expression or our responses or our actions no matter how hard we try, but we can remain humble and be willing to listen when someone in our community needs us and needs us to take care. Care and kindness are the way through most patches and offer the most creative solutions. I am grateful for my brave friends that come back for me and chose not to leave me behind when things get tricky or I get distracted.

Life/balance

"It's difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eting a home-grown tomato"  
Lewis Grizzard


One of the biggest challenges in our modern life is to make our way through our life in a way that feels calm and joyful. Too often I find myself saying yes to so many things that sound interesting, helpful, neccessary even. But eventually these too many things build up and I feel crazy inside myself. No room to breathe inside myself, feeling trapped and controlled. I then turn into some sort of manic control freak in response to these feelings of overwhelm. When I look around I see that this overwhelm has become an ordinary way of living and completely acceptable in our society. This is in despite of the adds for yoga retreats and the quiet of running shoes on the pavement. Advertising reflect our longings and then distorts them into the longing for the products which will achieve this inner calm for us.


So how to stop the world and get off and stay on it at the same time? The earth seems a beautiful place to begin. I had the pleasure of a friend coming to tea and we sat out on the grass sipping hot water and lemon in the sunshine. Warmth on my skin, the coolness of the grass beneath my feet, the smell of the salty air and a fresh breeze blowing through the trees, all conducive to feelings of calm and joy. Much laughter bubbled, it's really hard to feel anxious or that things need to be done. What is required is friends to support these circumstances, that know you don't need to be buisy to have a full life and to encourage us to fill our lives with small time fun.

To you who knew me

What I miss the most
is the way you always had your hair done
even in times of hardness and bareness
there was always the trip to the hairdresser
expensive
passive
colour
perm
you were always the modern
the one that wore purple velvet and stripes with patterns
you seemed so free in your choices
so much yorself
that I wondered if there was more
hoped there was more
a glimpse of what you might see if I looked through your eyes
but you remain mysterious and so tall
and this is how it just has to be
but now I am here no longer waiting for you
and I am free to just be with you
and you love me I know this now
not too late
just a fact and one that sets me free

Missing our mothers

Last week was the anniversary of my Mother's death 2 years ago. I am about to head into my 40s so it is not unusual to lose a parent at my age. What I find the most difficult is how do I live with this feeling of truly being alone? There is now nobody else on this planet who knows me for so long and who knew me as a small child, watched me as I grew up and now as I have my own family. At times it feels like i have just landed it here, free form, no past , just as I am. I did experience a sense of freedom and fear after centering so much of my life like where I would live and go to study, around the need for my mother to be close to me. It was so strange when she dies to think that I could do anything I wanted to, no longer constrained by another. A supportive husband and young family I could go anywhere and do anything. Free falling is how it is for me when I think about this idea. It is such a strong pull in me to be tied to something, it is hard to let go.
But sad I have been all week, thinking of her and the relationship we shared when I was younger, how this ended as I got older and began blaming her for my own suffering. Why is it the mothers that wear most of our blame and anger and disapointment of life? Will my own children do this or will they feel I am wonderful and celebrate my life with them? It is a wonderful thing to come together as women and celebrate our mothers and the way some of us ourselves are mothers. We are always there and we try our best in whatever way that is. We need to laugh and cry together and support each other through the ordinariness of our lives. It is our relationships which make our lives special and beautiful. It is our sharing together which brings out the best in each other and it is our passion for living which we can talk about and remind each other of when all we want to do is run away from home or go and hide in the bushes while the children scream from teh house. It is this extreme ties to life through our children and our friends that make it so rich and demanding.
We need to tell each other more often that what we are doing is enough. A lot of love, the occasional game of UNO, regular food, clean clothes, brushed teath and hair,and the occasional yummy piece of cake for breakfast and we remake the world everday into a land where life can take form, and be lived in beautiful and unexpected ways.